These Words from My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a broader failure to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - going on a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."